So I was browsing the internet when I got back from the grocery store today, and stumbled upon this lovely article on Fox News: “Five Ways the World Can End”. One of them is actually destined to happen and is virtually unavoidable. According to the scientists and brilliant theorist of the world, this is what we have to look forward to:

1. Massive asteroid impact: Apparently a massive asteroid hit Mars some 3.9 billions years ago and snuffed out any life that may have existed. “Were that to happen on Earth, the few surface organisms that survived the impact and resulting earthquakes and fires would be fried by solar rays.”

2. Massive volcanic eruptions: It could also be that instead of an asteroid, lava killed everything on Mars. And all the dinosaurs. Or this lovely bit, “And the Yellowstone supervolcano — that’s right, Yellowstone National Park sits atop a massive magma chamber — will probably take out most of the people living between the Rockies and the Appalachians next time it erupts, which could literally be tomorrow.” But that wouldn’t end the world unless it continued to erupt for tens of thousands of years. Phew!

3. Nuclear war: This would’ve been the one I thought was a shoe in for all mass destruction if any b/c people are so corrupt. But no, not according to the world of science and politics. Only b/c no one has enough nukes to finish everyone off. At least for now. There’s still hope, “there’s always a chance of a full-scale nuclear exchange between future superpowers.”

4. Black hole: Now I will admit that I know practically nothing about space, bending light, astronomy, any of that. I am completely space stupid. It’s just a subject that is completely unfathomable to me. Apparently black holes are now much more common than what used to be believed. Supposedly there is a massive black hole at the center of every spiral galaxy, millions of stars that die and leave black holes orbiting in their place, and so on. If a rogue one were to approach our galaxy, we would notice the sky darkening due to the bending of light from stars being sucked in, other planets being pulled off orbit, and finally Earth pulled in like water going down a drain. But we won’t live to see it happen since, “Thanks to the massive tidal disruptions on Earth, not to mention the lack of reliable sunlight, we’d already be dead.” Well, I certainly won’t bust out my telescope to look for this one coming.

5. The expanding sun: Now here’s the kicker. This is the unavoidable one. “If all else fails, the Earth will almost certainly come to an end in about 5 billion years when it falls into the expanding sun.” And this bit of good news: “Terrestrial inhabitants need not worry, since they’ll be boiled off much earlier by the sheer heat of the growing star.” But hey, let’s not get too worked up yet: “Then again, it’s also possible that scientists of an advanced future civilization could simply tow out Earth to a safer orbit, after having presumably rendered Mars and Venus inhabitable as well.”

You know, I think I’ll just sit back, read Revelations again, and wait for Jesus to come back. I’m sure that will be much more impressive.